jill's Cancer Blog
October 12, 2006
| Random Dude Helps Me Through Radiation | Views: 1335 |
This journal entry is to say Thanks! to some random dude who helped me through my radiation treatment.
It is the first day of my radiation. The center is not far from my house; ten-minute drive and I had to go every day, Monday – Friday for six weeks. It hadn’t even sunk in yet that I had breast cancer. I fast tracked my 2 surgeries and started my radiation as soon as they would let me. I wanted to get this cancer crap behind me. Walked into the clinic with nothing to say to anyone; I was angry at the world. The techies were nice, but I didn’t want to have anything to do with them that day. Just did what they told me to do and spoke as little as possible. I wasn’t here to make friends.
This is what I did everyday. Walk into the radiation clinic, go straight into a dressing room, change into a gown, walk to the waiting room and grab a warm blanket. No need to check in, just get right down to business. I never had to wait long. No one was schedule to be there before me. They had a camera so they could see when I was there and would come and get me. Then they walked me into the radiation room. I laid on the table as they lined up the tattoos they had given me with a guide, then with the machine. That way they knew they were zapping the right area every time. Then once it was all set they left the room while they turned on the machine. The machine burned me for about 30 seconds. I couldn’t feel it; the hair on my arms kind of tingled. I just lay there the first day with tears streaming out of my eyes. They came back in a minute later and told me I was all set to go. I just walked out. It didn’t take long, didn’t hurt, but I was pissed off anyway.
This became my routine. I can’t remember when I first saw this random guy, was it the first day, maybe the second day, could of been the third. After my treatment, I walked out. He was parked next to me, sitting in his large truck, waiting. Didn’t think much the first time I saw him, other than who needs to drive such a big truck. It could have been any type of car and I would have been annoyed by it – that was the state I was in. Everything pissed me off. I had f-ing cancer!
The next day I pulled up and parked in the same spot. I walked in to do the same thing all over agin. This time I might of actually said hi to the technicians. I wasn’t as angry that day. Walked out, and there he was again. His big truck was parked next to my little Mini Cooper. I got in my car and looked over, he was sitting in there just waiting. I figured he must have been waiting for his wife to finish treatment or something. This was when I first felt connected to him.
This went on; he was always parked there waiting. Not sure if I looked over every time to see if he was there. I was in my own f-ed up world, but I do remember looking over once and he was just starring straight ahead, out the window. I recognized that stare. He was here to have treatment as well; probably had the appointment shortly after mine. I bet he was just an early bird. I remember feeling so thankful that there was someone else. Thank god someone else has caner besides me. How messed up is that?! But I didn’t know anyone with cancer. Sometime when I told people I had cancer they would say, my father or mother or my friends mother had cancer. I felt so lonely, nobody could relate to me. This was the first guy I knew who had cancer. And what did I know of him. He drove a truck and had cancer, that was about it.
The next day I went and had my daily dose of radiation and walked out to see him parked next to me. I got into my car and looked over at him. I don’t remember if he was already looking at me or looked over while I was starring at him. And I don’t remember who nodded first, but we both nodded at each other. I drove away with tears in my eyes. It sounds so silly, but it shook me up.
A few weeks went by and every day I looked forward to that nod. I felt he was the only one who understood. The only one who had any idea what I was feeling. I was so glad he was there. We didn’t say anything, no smile, just a slight nod.
One day I walked out and someone was parked in his spot, there was a car parked in his spot! I was so thrown. Someone was screwing this up. I didn’t know what to do. Got into my car and looked over. I couldn’t see him; the damn car was in the way. I backed up, drove past him, past the back of his truck, he was still looking forward. I turned onto the street. I slowed down and looked over at him. He was farther away and on the opposite side from where I was now. We saw each other and nodded. I bawled the whole way home. I didn’t realize how much I had been counting on him to be there and for someone to get it, get me, get what I was going through, even if it was only for a few seconds of the day.
I was so thankful to have him there. He made the process easier for me. I had about a week left when I walked out one morning and he was parked near the door. He had the window down. He told me it was his last day and wished me luck. We didn’t say much to each other. I cried that day too. I didn’t want to do this alone. I was sad the next day when I walked out and he wasn’t there. But some how I survived that last week.
I think about him a lot and hope he is doing well. Thanks for your support!
Random Dude Helps Me Through Radiation, 
1 comment)
09.08.07 - 
Thanks for your support -
Jill – Wow! Just read this and it’s so good. Thank you for writing it and sharing it. There are times when I feel it’s wrong to complain about the effects of radiation when others have gone through so much more. But we need to be able to share.
Since the radiation doesn’t hurt, we don’t realize what it does to our bodies. One thing that got me through radiation is that they had calendar pictures on the ceiling. (Ugh – pretty generic.) There was a space. I told them I’d bring a picture to put in the space. They asked what. I said my horse. I’ll post the picture.
Every day I’d lay there and look at Powder. Then when I finished, I’d go see her and give her a kiss. They left the picture there. Hope it helps others.
Hugs!